Be Still and Know
"Be still and know that I am God."
Only a few short weeks ago, for me, this verse took on a whole new meaning.
My day started out like any other.
It was a Tuesday, an early morning start for a new work day. Traffic. Coffee. 'Good Morning's' and 'How are you's' walking down the hall in the office. Perfectly normal. Just a few hours in though came the subtle feeling, "Why do I feel so tired?" By the time lunch came around, I could barely lift my arms or stand. A last minute trip to my health practitioner gave the diagnosis that afternoon:
Ooooh great! What the heck was I meant to do with that?!
And by rest, he really meant to say, "stay in bed, not being able to walk, lift your arms or think clearly for three weeks." Rest... how wonderful.
Let me just take this moment to say that being overwhelmed by fatigue is the silliest illness to feel. You don't feel sick in the stomach or in the head like a cold, you just can't move or think, as though a three hundred kilo bear has moved into your body and won't leave, no matter how nicely you ask him.
The next day I went back to the doctor, only to find out that Mr. Epstein-Barr had called his buddies Adenovirus and Coxsackievirus in to join the party. Two days later, Streptococcus and Staphylococcus crashed the aforementioned party. Needless to say, I was out of it.
And yet, in this state of absolute ruin sprung a tender shoot of glory, just poking its head out of the rubble that was my life. You see, even though I was stuck in bed, unable to work or even hold my phone, the Lord was with me. It was a though He was lying next to me in bed, stroking my hair, whispering His goodness into my heart.
Be still and know that I AM God.
Something which was designed to hold me down (literally though, I couldn't get up), my Jesus turned into something to bless me and bring Him glory. Thankfulness overflowed from my heart and mouth during those weeks.
People would ask me , "How are you going? Oh gosh, it must be horrible to be this sick!"
I would reply, "Why yes it is, this sickness is absolutely stupid! But even though my body is broken, my soul is flying. He is so, so good to me."
When I woke up in the morning, I knew I had about an hour and a half of energy before the fatigue would hit, so I spent it with Jesus. For some magical reason when I awoke, He was on my mind. I could hear Him calling me gently from the breakfast bench, as though I was late for our morning coffee date! Worship became the air I breathed and His Word my food. Oh! what beautiful Words of Life He spoke over me in those mornings. He whispered to me, "My love, give it over to Me. I'll carry this burden for you."
And so I did.
As I gave up my right to the illness and handed it over to the One who heals, I found myself ushered into the transcendent oxymoron of the heavenlies.
My body was broken and still, but my heart was overjoyed to the point of dancing.
In that state of sleepwalkers body, I experienced one of the most foundational characteristics of Jesus - His Goodness. When you taste of the Goodness of God, it never leaves you; it gets tattooed on your heart as a living reminder of who He is, like a soldier who receives a Medal of Valour after the battle. After you have witnessed how the Lord can use even the worst of circumstances in your life for His glory and your good, you can never second guess His goodness again. And what a freedom that is!
"Then you will know that truth, and the truth will set you free."
His Goodness is your Medal of Valour. His victory is your victory. Through this illness, the Lord fought for me and won my freedom to forever know and trust in His Goodness.
Thank you Jesus!
My encouragement to you is to let the Lord fight the battles in your life - no matter what they are! In surrender we find freedom. As we lay down our worries, anxieties, illnesses and plagues of the soul, He readies Himself to fight for His beloved - and WIN!
"This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."